Annual Interstellar Association,
number 2,017:
The Discussion of Eradication
From the Decree of Parsecs:
By order of his majesty the Sun,
Each year, every celestial body
Be them stars, planets, comets or constellations,
Shall meet to discuss the ruling of each secpar
and vote in and out the election of new moons, the paths of comets
and the obliteration of secondary planets.
This meeting shall henceforth and forevermore
be known as the
Interstellar Association.
This year, the 2,017th meeting of the celestial bodies was held in the realm of the Kuiper, guarded by the thousands of meteors that circled the realm. Each planet and constellation filed into the conference hall, their faces grim and ready. The comets had been here already for a while, their bodies cold, their tales wrapped around their slender bodies. They stayed as far away as possible from the center of the room, where the sun stood gazing at the stellas.
“Oh, shut up,” Venus proclaimed loudly, batting her eyelashes at the constellations and secondary planets who gazed at her with awe. She was the hottest planets of them all, and therefore always had some stellas glancing at her. She was used to it by now, however, and didn’t care about them anymore.
Mercury, her brother, sat next to her, his hands folded promptly in his lap. He was also good looking, but since there were hardly any other girls in the universe, he kept his looks to himself. But that didn’t mean the two of them weren’t admired by the constellations. Both he and his sister had the golden rocks.
Jupiter sat by himself, nursing another one of his asteroid wounds, looking as beat up as ever. He watched the others in the hall with a cynical eye, hatred and blood-lust etching his very being.
It was funny to the Sun. He had placed Jupiter in front of Earth for a purpose, thousands of years ago. Jupiter was always getting in a fight with Mars, and the best way to sate his desire for blood was to be a constant guardian of the people on earth.
Mars was, as well, nursing his wounds, grumbling about more of those human rovers on his rustic, dry plains. “I make ’em hot for a reason,” he could be heard muttering. “And then cold at night. But do they listen…? Oh… no way!”
Many a time, he had appealed for retirement, preferring to guard against asteroids than having to deal with those pesky things called humans. And every single time, he had been turned away.
“Alright, is everyone here?” the Sun spoke up, looking to Mercury for his nod. He was the one who delivered all the invitations and therefore would know when everyone had arrived.
After Mercury gave his nod of consent, the Sun began to speak.
“I have an idea,” Mars spoke up. “What if-“
Not again… those words could be heard like a collective breath throughout the entire Kuiper belt. Even the Asteroid Security System (which helped keep peace in the entire universe) could be heard trying not to laugh.
“We told you,” the Sun shook his head. “Venus has declined you moving next to her. She shall stay next to her brother, and if you try to move again-“
“Right,” Mars shook his head. “Great. Rejected. Again.”
Haley was the next one to speak. “I would like to suggest a new path for my rotation? It gets so entirely lonely on that eternal journey, around and around. What if we were to make it… shorter?”
“Yeah, like you can talk!” Hale-Bopp groaned from where he was rubbing ice on his tired body. “I’ve been on the same journey for over a thousand years.”
“I’m just saying-” she was cut off by Encke.
“That is true, Sun,” he bowed his head in respect. “You’ve been much kinder, giving me a journey of only about three earth-years.”
“If you’re going to give shorter work years to anyone, give ’em to me,” an older comet spoke up, his voice hoarse from lack of use. “113,782 years I travel. And I haven’t even made a whole orbit yet. This entire thing is Bootes!”
“Hey! Watch your language!” Bootes, the herdsman constellation yowled. “My name is not to be used for your own poppycock, Hyakutake!”
“Hyakutake, Hale-Bopp, Haley,” the Sun shook his head. “I apologize, but I cannot change your orbit. You are, after all, our message delivery system.”
“Really? Fine then, I quit!” Hale-Bopp yowled.
“You might want to rethink that, Hale-Bopp,” Haley said quietly, gesturing to outside of the Kuiper belt. “You know what happens to stellas when they reject their work. They spend a thousand years in Behemoth.”
The entire hall fell silent.
Fear lit every one of their cores as they remembered the star who had defied the Sun, trying to overthrow his power and claim the universe as his own. Thus, in appeal to the Maker, the star was cursed and turned into a huge Black Hole, which now served as a prison.
“Actually, ” Hale-Bopp said weakly. “I’m… fine.”
“Any more appeals?” the Sun asked.
“Yes,” Mars spoke up. “If I can’t have Venus can I at least have some of Jupiter’s ladies?”
“HEY! NO, you know I won this fair and square!” Jupiter shouted. “Every single one of these is mine. You go ahead and win your own!”
Mars was about to open his mouth to speak when a chill fell over the entire hall.
“What’s this? A party?” A voice said, its voice like silver. “Wow, I feel so loved. A party in my own backyard and you didn’t even invite me.”
Venus cringed. “Great,” she muttered.
“Pluto!” Saturn shouted. “I thought you were banned from these conferences!”
“Yes, you tried to ice Venus!” Uranus said angrily.
“Wasn’t taking away my title enough?” he cooed, coming towards the sun. “I used to be greatly feared as a planet- now you have turned me into a dwarf. How… displeasing!”
“You deserved it,” Venus said angrily.
“Whoo… so cold,” he shook his head. “And I thought I was chilly. Well, well, Venus. Did that ice stay in your core after all?”
“No, thankfully,” she bit out. “But I had to endure one of the Sun’s flares.”
A moan went throughout the hall. Everyone had come to despise the Sun’s flares, almost as much as they had come to despise Neptune’s gas-attacks.
Venus flushed in embarrassment and cast her eyes below.
“Sun,” Mercury spoke up. “Summon the Asteroid Security System to remove this dwarf at once.”
“You must leave, Pluto, I apologize,” the Sun said quietly. “Or else I will have no choice but to send you into Behemoth.”
“Did it ever occur to you,” Pluto spat out as the Asteroid Security System began to escort him out. “That I am so cold because I am so far away from you?”
“That was not my choice,” the Sun said quietly. “It is not the circumstances that bring you pain. But rather what you do with them.”
“Yeah, and you would know all about that,” he said. “With you and your brother… Betel! He’s a thousand times bigger than you, how is it that you were chosen?”
“The Maker decided it,” the Sun responded nonchalantly. “All is as He has willed it.”
Everyone nodded in agreement.
“Which reminds me…” Uranus spoke up for the first time. “Where is Earth?”
The Sun closed his eyes and a sharp chuckle went up from Mars.
“She… she wasn’t invited?” Uranus asked in shock. “But… isn’t that the law of the Decree? Everyone must be invited, so long as they aren’t banished?”
“Yes…” the Sun hesitated.
“But she couldn’t come,” Mars laughed out loud. “We all know that she has too much to think about. She leaves for five minutes and everything goes to pot!”
“Hey, that’s gossip!” Haley rebuked him.
“It’s true, actually,” Saturn shook his head. “Let’s just think about what happened… Hitler became leader of the Nazis, Cancer decided to be an idiot and form the disease…” everyone tossed a look at Cancer.
She shrugged. “Sorry, it was an accident. Technically, it was meant for Hitler so…”
No one believed her.
“But she always has Lunar to babysit,” Haley objected.
“Yeah, please,” Hale-Bopp let out a mirthless laugh. “We know she’s not dependable. She’s horrible at babysitting. Just… you know… not all there.”
“Why are you defending her, anyways?” Jupiter asked her.
Haley shrugged. “I don’t know…”
“Earth has not been invited for a reason, actually,” Mercury spoke up. “It’s because we no longer trust her. Not her, in and of herself, but the people she has on her. Some of them we can trust, but that world is so messed up as of now, that it no longer deserves our time or our thought.”
“That’s true,” Venus nodded sadly. “The Ebola virus…”
“The wars in Africa,” Hale-Bopp suggested solemnly.
“ISIS rising,” Mars put in.
“The protests for equality, the Civil Wars, the objection of their leaders,” Uranus said quietly. “We’ve watched her suffer through war, death, disease, but this… all of this… it’s just so much. Is it even worth it… anymore?”
The Sun was silent. After a few moments, he spoke up. “What do you suggest we do?”
“The kindest thing to do,” Hyakutake said, his voice sad. “We send the Asteroid Security System at her, wipe her off the face of the universe. Get rid of her before the people completely pollute her and destroy her- send off their own kind to live among us.”
“We can’t do that!” Haley stood up. “Not… without the consent of the Maker.”
“That is true,” the Sun beckoned to Aquila, the eagle constellation. “Bring me the Book, please.”
All of them fell silent as the Holy Book was brought in, it’s face shining brighter than the Sun itself.
He flipped through it, muttering to himself. “The Heavens declare the glory of the Lord,” he said… flipping through the Book. “Nope. Sorry. We cannot destroy the Earth. It’s against everything that has been written.”
“But- why?” Jupiter groaned.
“Because I am beautiful,” a voice said from the entrance of the room. Everyone turned to look at her small figure as she walked inside. “I may be a mess filled to the brim with angry, greedy people who only ever think about themselves,” she shook her head. “But I am beautiful too. And as much as I hate to admit it, the Maker created me to be more important than even you, Sun. He created me to harbor man, after His own image, to hold good and evil. And I am the only among you that have had Him walk on me.”
“And die on you, too,” Hyakutake muttered.
“And that,” she shrugged it off. “But only because He loved the people I harbor enough to die for them. You cannot destroy me because where there is evil, there is good. Where there is war, there is peace. Where there is sadness, there is also joy.”
“She’s right,” Haley nodded. “You may want to destroy her because… everything would be so much easier. But how can you destroy what the Maker has in mind? Surely, you cannot. You cannot destroy her, for the same reason you cannot change my path. Because she has a purpose, as do we all.
“She is broken, yes, but she is beautiful. Exactly as the Maker designed her to be. And that’s worth fighting for,” Haley finished.
Hyakutake nodded. “They’re right. The Maker knows our plans. That’s good enough.”
Everyone, even Mars, nodded in agreement.
“Oh, Earth?” Sun asked later on in the conference. “Who did you leave to babysit?”
“Oh, I asked Lunar,” she nodded, smiling a bit.
Everyone let out a despairing groan.
“Oh, don’t worry!” she shook her head, laughing. “She’s a full sister tonight! Everything will be fine…!”
Next Day…
“Uhh… Lunar?” she gave her a little nudge. “Why are you sleeping?”
“I don’t know…” Lunar snorted, waking up. “Oh… oh, Earth, can you forgive me? I forgot that I can’t shine when the Sun isn’t with me.”
“What happened to the people, do you know?” Earth asked.
“Well…” Lunar hesitated. “There kind of was another war…”
“LUNAR!” Earth yelled in exasperation. “You were supposed to stop this!”
“I know, I know… it’s just…”
“How many people died?” Earth questioned.
“Well now… I don’t know…”
“Lunar…”
“Maybe twenty-five?”
“Lunar…”
“Thirty-six…?”
“Lunar…”
Back at the Kuiper Belt
“You know, Neptune,” the Sun sighed, scratching his head. “I’m glad that’s over for another year.”
“Yes,” Neptune nodded. “But the Earth did deserve to come. It was very wrong of you to not invite her.”
“I know, it was. But what else was I supposed to do?”
“Praise the Maker for who Earth is because… He knows where we would be without her.”
“True, true,” Sun nodded. “Hey, maybe Saturn can propose to her!”
“Not in a thousand years, big man! These rings are all mine…” Saturn tossed at him loftily, heading back towards his Orbit.
“Hey, Sun?” Haley asked, heading towards the Sun. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, Haley,” he smiled at her.
“Does it hurt to shine so bright?” she asked.
“Well…” he hesitated. “Sometimes. Mostly because no one ever looks at me. But let me tell you, Haley, I look forward to the day when I can retire. All of you guys will live off of the Makers light, not my own. Won’t that be beautiful?”
“Beautiful… absolutely,” she nodded. “But, until then… shine bright, majesty.” Giving him one last smile she whipped her tale into action, heading towards her orbit. Even as she was speeding on her way, her laughs of joy could be heard all around the Universe.
At the Earth’s orbit, Earth smiled as she heard her laugh. “Thanks for telling me about the Association, Haley,” she whispered. “I don’t think I’d be here without you.”
The End
Dystopian Logic 